TO MAKE YOU SMILE
AND NOW WHAT?
To be honest, I thought I would be gone before I needed to learn this electronics stuff. But here I am and using electronics is getting closer to becoming a daily necessity. Why? One reason is that they are eliminating my stores (Sears, Gottschalks, and now there is talk about Penney®), and I’m going to be forced to learn how to order clothes over the net. In addition, I will need to know how to return clothes over the net (wrong color, size, style, makes me look fat). I know I will need something called “Prime” in order to defray shipping costs. That is especially necessary when ordering furniture, a generator, a car—you see my dilemma?
I figure that if I remain with the same clothes’ store for everything, I will eventually figure out how to order a color which brings out my best features and stick with it, settle on the correct size (adjustable), and select a style that compliments my problem areas.
I’ll remember to plan so the item will arrive before the event. Oh yeah, another reason for “Prime”…overnight delivery. But in the beginning, I will need to allow enough time for trial and error.
With my memory, I won’t have a clue as to what is in the package or from whom it was sent. I’ll spend some time trying to guess who sent it and wondering what the occasion is and feeling all warm and cozy inside.
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: “To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million.”
The lawyer continued, “To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million.”
The lawyer concluded, “And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will—well you are wrong. Hi Dan!”
LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT THE GREATEST SONGS
By Reader’s Digest
1. The first commercial CD pressed in the United States was Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the U.S.A.
2. Bob Marley gave songwriting credits on No Woman No Cry to his childhood friend Vincent Ford, who ran a soup kitchen in Jamaica. Royalties from the hit song helped keep the kitchen running.
3. Simon and Garfunkel bickered nonstop while recording Bridge over Troubled Water. Garfunkel wanted Simon to sing it (“I’m sorry I didn’t,” Simon has said, and Simon never liked Garfunkel’s closing “Sail on, silver girl” verse.
4. The iconic whistle in (Sittin’ on) the Dock of the Bay was improvised when Otis Redding forgot what he was supposed to sing during the outro.
5. Michael Jackson was so absorbed in writing Billie Jean on a ride home from the studio one day that he didn’t even notice his car was on fire. A passing motorcyclist alerted him—saving the King of Pop and one of the world’s catchiest tunes.
6. Paul McCartney woke up one morning with the tune to Yesterday in his head but not the lyrics. The placeholder words he worked with: “Scrambled eggs...oh, my baby, how I love your legs…”
7. The BBC banned Bing Crosby’s I’ll Be Home for Christmas during World War II, worried its “sickly sentimentality” would lower the morale of homesick troops.
8. Barry Manilow’s I Write the Songs was written by...someone else (on-again/off-again Beach Boy Bruce Johnston, to be exact).
9. Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven was the most requested radio song of the ‘70s. Yet singer/lyricist Robert Plant once pledged $1,000 to a public radio station that promised to never play it again. (“I’ve heard it before,” he later said.)
10. The dude in Aerosmith’s Dude (Looks like a Lady) is Motley Crue frontman Vince Neil, whose long blond locks Aerosmith mistook for a woman’s at a bar one night.
11. The Caroline in Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline is none other than Caroline Kennedy, whom Neil saw in a magazine photo in the ‘60s. “It was a picture of a little girl dressed to the nines in her riding gear, next to her pony,” he recalled.